greasy horror show

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you know, abortion doesn’t go far enough.  what ever happened to the good days of Rome where you could legally kill your kids if they were petulant little shits even after they were born?

you know, abortion doesn’t go far enough.  what ever happened to the good days of Rome where you could legally kill your kids if they were petulant little shits even after they were born?

I ALREADY COVERED THE CURSED HISTORY OF THE DETROIT LIONS LAST TIME AROUND BUT HOLY SHIT 2013 WAS A MELTDOWN OF FUKUFUCKINGSHIMA PROPORTIONS. JESUS CHRIST THE LIONS GAVE THE DIVISION AWAY LIKE A FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT CENTER ON CRAIGSLIST. AND YOUR NFC NORTH CHAMPIONS? A TEAM WITH NOT SIXTEEN NOT FIFTEEN NOT FOURTEEN NOT THIRTEEN NOT TWELVE NOT ELEVEN NOT TEN NOT FUCKING NINE BUT EIGHT FUCKING WINS. THINK ON THAT SHIT. THE LIONS HAD A MOTHERFUCKING ROSE PETAL PATH TO THE DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP LAID OUT WITH THE FUCKING STARS ALIGNED AND SMILING DOWN: EARLY DIVISION WINS. WEAKBITCH SCHEDULE. RODGERS SIDELINED WITH A FRACTURED CLAVICLE. SMOKIN’ JAY CUTLER OUT WITH A STRETCHED VAG. EVEN THE VIKINGS WERE STILL ROLLING WITH THAT FUCKING POX PONDER. AND HOW DID THE DETROIT LIONS RESPOND TO SUCH A STROKE OF GOOD FORTUNE? SAME AS ALWAYS: BY FUCKING THE DOG. HARD

OH BUT HERES THE FIX: LETS HIRE SIDELINE CORPSE JIM CALDWELL! I MEAN SHIT DUDE USED TO GET HIS LUNCH EATEN BY A BUNCH OF FUCKING BASKETBALL SCHOOLS BUT HEY I BET THE GUY WHO GOT OWNED BY THE FUCKING EAST CAROLINA PIRATES IS SURE TO TAKE US TO THE TOP! WHAT A FUCKING LOSER. EVEN DRUNK DRIVINGASS COCAINE SNITCH TIM ALLEN BAGS ON THIS FUCKING GUY. AND IF THAT WERENT DEPRESSING ENOUGH HEY LOOK WHOS BACK IT’S DAN ORLOVSKY. DAN “WHOOPS I JUST RAN OUT THE BACK OF THE ENDZONE LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS” FUCKING ORLOVSKY. JESUS CHRIST THE BUCS MUSTVE BURIED THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE PET SEMATARY. FUCKING CAMPBELL DRAGGING THIS ASSHOLE BACK INTO DETROIT LIKE HALF A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER STUCK TO HIS SHOE. “NOPE DONT NEED A NUMBER THREE HERE! ORLOVSKYS GOT IT COVERED.” THAT AINT JUST A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. THATS A DINNER READY TO BE FUCKING SERVED

AT LEAST WE FINALLY TOOK DAVID AKERS OUT BACK AND SHOT HIM. FUCKING GUY KICKED LIKE A FUCKING SABOTEUR. KERRY VON ERICH COULDVE MADE SOME OF THE FIELD GOALS THAT MOTHERFUCKER BRICKED

SUHS GOT NINE TOES OUT THE DOOR AND IM STILL SITTING HERE WEARING HIS JERSEY LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT

AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT CALIFORNIA ASSHOLE JOE FAURIA STARTS DANCING DURING A GAME THEYRE WELL ON THEIR WAY TO LOSING AGAIN IM GONNA MAKE PERSONALLY GODDAMN SURE THAT IT WAS A SMART DECISION TO DRAFT A THIRD TIGHT END*

*WORD IS THE LIONS SIGNED LIKE NINE MORE TIGHT ENDS SINCE I STARTED TYPING THAT SENTENCE. THE FUCKING SQUAD IS 33 1/3% TIGHT ENDS AND MEANWHILE THE SECONDARY LOOKS LIKE THE FUCKING 26TH TURN IN A GAME OF JENGA

SHITS AND GRINS THOUGHT ID ASK MY OLD MAN FOR SOME FUEL FOR THIS FIRE. HE STARTED QUOTING NIETZSCHE. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT MOTHERFUCKER KNEW HOW TO READ. FUCKING LIONS

- deadspin commenter “ZODIAC FUCKER”, on my beloved Detroit Lions

thirstiest:

nentindo:

hokeyfright:

can the science side of tumblr explain this

image

swag • per • a • tion /swaəgpərashion/

adj. To channel the swagger inside of you and turn it into pure teleportation energy.

i.e. “dude, this party blows, i’m swagperating out of here”

this person wrote a noun, listed it as an adjective, and defined and used it as a verb

I found the Grammar side of tumblr.

huggingrobot:

i said slag off!

(Source: mysimpsonsblogisgreaterthanyours)

bandsareprettyrad:

If you ever feel bad just remeber there is a gif of me floating around tumblr of when I was 8 and I sat on the escalator and knocked down a table of jewelry at macys

bandsareprettyrad:

I wasn’t lying

bandsareprettyrad:

I wasn’t lying

(Source: 9fail)

linearimpacts:

terminalimpacts:

so I went to the grocery store and saw that China had a special edition of Pabst Blue Ribbon that is not available in the US so I had to try it out

Stay safe senpai. mosquitoes are abundant. also the pizza huts in china are fuckin amazing have you tried them yet?

I heard they put seafood on the pizzas and I’m allergic to shellfish :(.  I tried ordering online but I don’t know how to enter my address in Chinese.  Hell, I can barely pronounce it.

I had Melrose Pizza and it was :/

theschwall said: Hahaha I read an article about that, it’s just plain PBR that is sold for far too much money in China because CAPITALISM

they sell normal PBR here for about $4 usd for a six pack and it tastes just as shitty as PBR back in the US.  This stuff is darker, smoother, higher alcohol content, and actually has a good flavor.  If I can compare it to a US craft beer, it reminds me a lot of Evolution Lucky no. 7.

politicalsexkitten said: Jim what the fuck did I just watch for four and a half minutes

image

so I went to the grocery store and saw that China had a special edition of Pabst Blue Ribbon that is not available in the US so I had to try it out